America’s Aristocrats Give Thanks to Korean Babies

ET Online reports on the “Penis Facial” with numerous high profile celebrities singing its praises on Twitter, Instagram, in interviews, and being generally super fucking weird about it.

So apparently the foreskin of Korean babies (South, I assume) has been cloned and bits, pieces, and parts of it are being used for various things. One of which is something that’s being referred to as “The Penis Facial”. That nickname name has an entirely different meaning to someone like myself, but the meaning in this context is that human penis cells are mixed into some kind of cream which is used to make various women look pretty. No, you didn’t misread that. Nothing cannibalistic about this at all.

I won’t get into the technical details because you can read all about it on’s site. (and all over the rest of internet at the moment) But I do want to say that the articles I’ve read on this beautifying system inspired me to visit the site of the procedure’s pioneer: There I discovered a number of gems including a description of the procedure and a lovely photo of the team:

I can’t help but look at the team above and imagine them spreading penis-skin juice all over their faces (especially the one on the lower right with her weirdly shiny, sticky-looking face) and I’m not ashamed to say that this creates a new emotion I’ve never experienced before; it’s a combination of being utterly disgusted and creeped out, while also being slightly disturbed and weirdly fascinated by their love of penis (indirect as it may be), but then realizing they’re enjoying baby-penis, because the penis cells were obtained from the foreskin of Korean male babies. Do I need to specify that the babies were male? Is that gender bias? How do I know the Korean babies that gave up their foreskin for Hollywood skin creams actually identified as male? Having a penis doesn’t indicate your gender. Does it? I’m so confused by this and I’m not even a Korean baby.

So yeah. This is a thing.

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